High Hopes

Hello reader

I am giddy to tell everyone that i am now moving from Tumblr to WordPress. Ever since i was just a stupid, innocent kid who didnt like reading that much and sucked at grammar, Tumblr had always been my home. It is the place where i started learning how to express myself, and to be open with my thoughts which really did help me… since i am an only child and i usually had no one to talk to. Tumblr taught me a lot about life. From those posts which i could really relate to (given that my love life always suck) to the friends i made just from most of the TA’s i used to get… i think i can now conclude that for me, Tumblr is more than just a blogging site, for it can also be a companion and a friend. Somehow, it saved my life

Now, why am i moving?

I am moving because i have figured that my heart is craving for something new. Sadly, i felt the lack of inspiration to continue writing on my old blog for some reason. And i think the reason is that it contains too much of my past and as sappy as this may sound, it hinders my thoughts from flowing. The thing is, i dont wanna be stuck in the labyrinth of my past anymore. I simply want to start over, with a blank slate.

The girl who used to write in there is too innocent, naive and close-minded. She easily gives in to the slightest heat she feels from the littlest flame she sees. She easily gets hurt, for she isn’t aware of how cruel the world that she belongs in is. She thinks that no one would hurt her, because she would never hurt anyone intentionally. She is too kind, too subtle – therefore giving them more power to inflict pain towards her.

But she does not stay this way forever. The pain, the agony, the pang she used to feel in her chest woke her up to the sad reality. That odd reality that every human being is capable of doing terrible things given the chance, whether or not you hurt them. People are generally selfish and dishonest in nature and she had learned that putting her guard down could kill her, or worse – torture her. That’s why she stopped being altruistic and started loving herself. She wanted to survive this world, this filthy world

I am not the same girl anymore – this is why i am leaving. I already find it hard to keep up with the personality i used to express in there. I would like to believe that the girl who used to write in that blog is already dead. I like her dead. And today marks the day i begin leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. So here i am, starting all over again.

Deleting all my posts actually crossed my mind, but i perceived it would take too much time than necessary. So i ended up making a new one, which i really hope will inspire you as much as the old one did. I am not asking you to increase your expectations, but i think the lessons that i have acquired from all the experiences i have gone through for the past few months will surely aid me in writing my new entries. And i will solemnly try not to fill my posts with too much cynicism and profanity, so dont worry! *winks*

I believe that there are two ways of telling your story. One is to tell it compellingly and direly, keep returning to it because you see your present suffering as the result of your past experiences. I may be dwelling in telling mine this way for too long, and this is the reason why today i am going to step out of my comfort zone and tell it from a place where it no longer dominates me. I hope that in time, i can speak about it with a certain distance and see it as the way to my present and future freedom.

Hello, WordPress

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Published by

joannanmc

I'm Joanna Grace Namoc, a nineteen-year-old gypsy soul. A bookworm since birth. Two of my favourite books are The Catcher in the Rye and Veronika Decides to Die. I'm a frustrated writer. I'm a fan of rainy days accompanied with hot coffee, sweater and a good read. I'm not the type that goes gaga over a bouquet of roses; i like sunflowers more. I love listening to indie music. I love photography. I have a knack for gratuitously cleaning and arranging things which lead me to this belief that i have OCD. I am fascinated by frogs and jet plane trails. I love driving to distant places alone. The only goodbyes that i like is how the sky does it every sunset. I enjoy solitude - particularly visiting places to wander, where my thoughts are my only companions. I'm pretty cynical too. I hate relationships because i suck being anyone's anything. I'm aware the cruelty of this world, but i still believe that life is beautiful. I'm currently taking up Bachelor of Science in Economics at the University of the Philippines Los Banos. I dream to be a lawyer or a writer. Or maybe both, if that doesn't sound far-fetched.

2 thoughts on “High Hopes”

  1. Welcome to WordPress pretty lady! I just can’t believe that you were once “a stupid, innocent kid who didnt like reading that much and sucked at grammar” like you mentioned you were. Judging from the way you write, I think you’ve always been gifted with words. I hope you like it here in WordPress. I look forward to reading more of your posts

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