Portrait 19

Photo Credits: Isabel Quinones
Photo Credits: Isabel Quinones
Photo Credits: Isabel Quinones
Photo Credits: Isabel Quinones

I cannot believe it has almost been a month since the day i turned 19

I find it odd and amazing at the same time – how fast time flies. Been through a lot of obnoxious stuff and been with a lot of remorseless people along the way but hey, there were a lot of nice people too and i must say, both kinds taught me huge things about life that nothing can ever beat.

In my 19 years of existence, i have learned that both marvelous and tragic things happen whether or not you worry about them. I have learned that in this cruel world, you can trust no one but yourself because sometimes, the way you think about people is not the way they actually are. I have learned that learning how to leave toxic people in your life will always be necessary; and no matter how hard it is to do, you must master that skill

But i think the greatest lesson that i have acquired is that not everything is bound to become something beautiful and enduring. People are like the wind, always set to move from one place to another and sometimes they come into your life to show you what is right or wrong,

to show you what your potentials are which you might never have discovered before,

to teach you to love yourself,

to serve as your confidant for a little while,

or to be someone you walk with at night then leaves you in the morning.

Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever, and you still have to continue living and thank them for whatever they have given you. This is the reason why i will forever be in debt to all the people who have been part of my journey whether or not they’re still here.

I hope years from now, i will soon achieve the bright, exuberant life i am currently dreaming about now that i am young. I hope all of my dreams will become my reality, and I hope that eventually my nightmares will soon be shattered into the depths of my past – not forgetting them, but rather, remembering every bit of detail and realizing that they no longer have the power to haunt me. I hope that somewhere along my journey, i will have the courage to take down the walls that i have built and learn to completely trust someone again. I hope i can finally open my heart for someone who will make me realize that home is not a place, but a feeling. I hope that i will never have to drown in anxiety again – never have to take pills ever again. I hope that i will someday see the universe from a whole new point of view, and enjoy the rain as much as i enjoy the sun. But most of all, i hope that years from now, i will be brave enough to look into that mirror and feel truly proud of what i see.

The idea of me reaching the last stage of my teenage years is still not sinking in, but i want to make the best out of it. We’re halfway past 2015… but this will still be my year, i am claiming (and working for) it.

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Published by

joannanmc

I'm Joanna Grace Namoc, a nineteen-year-old gypsy soul. A bookworm since birth. Two of my favourite books are The Catcher in the Rye and Veronika Decides to Die. I'm a frustrated writer. I'm a fan of rainy days accompanied with hot coffee, sweater and a good read. I'm not the type that goes gaga over a bouquet of roses; i like sunflowers more. I love listening to indie music. I love photography. I have a knack for gratuitously cleaning and arranging things which lead me to this belief that i have OCD. I am fascinated by frogs and jet plane trails. I love driving to distant places alone. The only goodbyes that i like is how the sky does it every sunset. I enjoy solitude - particularly visiting places to wander, where my thoughts are my only companions. I'm pretty cynical too. I hate relationships because i suck being anyone's anything. I'm aware the cruelty of this world, but i still believe that life is beautiful. I'm currently taking up Bachelor of Science in Economics at the University of the Philippines Los Banos. I dream to be a lawyer or a writer. Or maybe both, if that doesn't sound far-fetched.

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